March- Celebrating one year older & one year of motherhood

It was a good month of celebrations. Baby J turned 1. I turned a year older…and I just reflected a lot this month, along with the new baby announcement.

Amidst all the fun planning of a birthday party for baby J, I realised it wasn’t just her turning one, and me reflecting on all her milestones and pictures and growth…it also marked my 1 year of motherhood….and what a journey it had been!

It started off tough, with confinement (which I’ve blogged about previously). And because it will be something I have to go through again with Baby #2. I better reflect on what went wrong (and right) and what I want to do right this time!

So last year, when I finally emerged from the chains of confinement (and then maternity leave), I spoke to people around to figure out, WHY and HOW come my experience was such a bad one and I figured out that 1) Baby J was a difficult baby yes, but 2) which is most importantly, i lacked the help and support i needed.

Facing and dealing with a baby 24/7 almost alone was just…not healthy. And i realised most mums, who had help (be it confinement nanny, helper, mothers) seemed to have coped better or some even better yet, felt like they were on a holiday! Like WOW. What a stark difference it was to how I felt.

But beyond it leaving behind a very bad post partum experience, it strained much of my relationship with H, and until today, I still held a grudge against H for all that I went through, although to be fair, it wasn’t entirely his fault. I set myself up for it, thinking I could handle it all. But I couldn’t. Well, I survived it, but i emerged pretty battered and now still scarred. So much so, I really didn’t fathom how to have a 2nd one yet. Until I could find a solution….

Well, maybe having baby #2 (accidentally) just forced me to reflect on all these (which I wanted to swept under the carpet) and now I’m forced to actually make active decisions in advance to prevent history from repeating itself. So yes, decision number #1 was to get extra help for confinement.

It’s even more important now given that I might have to split myself and still save some energy and attention for Baby J….and also, I need extra back-ups for Baby J, to make up for the things I wouldn’t be able to do, and I guess my inability to do much during 1st tri was also good training for everyone, including H. Although H also fell sick during this period and well it strained us all even more. But still, I felt like it’s time I start to take a back seat and see how to slowly split my time and energy for 2…

So, past confinement, past maternity, I would have thought we’ve gotten past the worst, and also, by going back to work, i slowly got back bits and pieces of my life and myself. But somehow, things crumbled further as work got busier and baby J encountered sleepless nights (and so did we). It really hit the ceiling when one day my boss just sat me down and asked why have I been so out of the sorts. And it really shook me up to do something. I couldnt just keep accepting the sleepless and cyclical days and inability to even have my time / time to even talk to H.

I remember that period felt like me on clockwork, just waking up rushing for work, doing work then chionging home to put her to sleep, only to anticipate her waking up 2 hours later, and almost every hour throughout the night. H and me was soooooooo deadbeat that period.

And so, decision #2, I’m going to sleep train baby#2 FOR SURE, and perhaps do it earlier than later. Well, I do have some reservations abt EXACTLY when I want to do it. But good sleep habits start all the way as young as 6 weeks old so I am starting everything early. And this time, I know how to do it right. To be honest, i started “sleep training” baby J pretty early too, except that we didnt stick to everything exactly and i think that caused the downfall. The basis of it was you really had to bite the bullet and just let the baby cry/ be alone. We didn’t. We always assisted asap. Well, I can’t stress how much sleep training has changed our lives, and so I’m a fervent advocate of it.

And so, onwards to my last phase of my one year of motherhood was one i started to truly enjoyed, although it was one filled with much of baby J falling sick cause she started IFC. I think I might start to get pretty well versed with children medication and am starting to collect almost every remedy for all sorts of sickness – all part of the parenting journey (oh and don’t forget the part about falling sick too cause you caught your kid’s virus!)

But it’s true when they say, it gets better after one! She has truly been such a joy recently, and while I’ve been just enjoying this phase, I’ve also come to accept terms with baby #2 and am starting to get excited for her arrival. It’s really different from the first! The first was just filled with anxiety and loads of worry about whether i need to prepare xxx/ read up about all the things i should/need to know…and it was really tiring and overwhelming. Right now, im soooooo chilled that I have the time to be excited! Like wow. I love being a Second Time Mum. And so, i guess that concludes in a v short summary (yes it’s already short considering howwwwwwww much we really went through as parents for just 1 year), truly what a year of parenthood has been.

Of course there are so many smaller decisions with regards to how I wanna care for baby #2, coming from the experience of Baby J but i shall’n bore you further with such details. I’m just so much surer of the things I want and not want for my child and myself now, and I hope this paves for an easier year of parenthood for the next.

The first month of motherhood

I’m nearing the end of my maternity leave, and memories of the first month is starting to feel distant. That’s how long it’s taking me to even find the time to write down this blogpost. But speaking about it with V has evoked some memories of it, so i better blog it down before I forget. (although it might be a good sign that Im even able to forget…cause it means i can actually forget about the “pain”)

Anyways, just like how motherhood didn’t really start off on a good note….the first month was quite terrible, and I didn’t dare to talk about how terrible I felt because most people would say I’m already very privileged.

It’s like before I could complain, the other party would be like “huh but you already have so many people helping you!”. Then I’ll just swallow it back.

yes, I agree and am thankful for the care and people around me, but i was also aware that internally, I felt terrible and so I again wondered what was wrong? What went wrong? Is there something wrong with me? Is it really post partum blues/ depression? is there really an issue or was it just me expecting too much?

Well, I guess a large problem was…I/we had no source of guidance. We had no confinement nanny or a figure that could offer us advice when we were lost or confused. And as much as I tried to read up about things on my own, there would just be so many moments in parenthood that books didn’t teach you about, but only people with experience will be able to help.

And so I realised that, yes, while I had people to “help” me, everyone around me were equally clueless and learning about baby caring and so I felt alone and unsupported as i navigated sooooooo many new things about motherhood. Just like what V said, I was the first among all my friends to be a mum and I really had no one to turn to/ to ask. I just navigated everything myself. Just breastfeeding, and even learning about pumps— when to pump, how to pump, engorgement issues etc was so overwhelming. And the fact that my milk supply didn’t come in till much later made me worry and panic a lot. Essentially, you don’t even know if what you are doing is right or wrong and you have a “live” baby that keeps changing everyday too. So sometimes it’s like you don’t know if YOU or the BABY or something EXTERNAL is even the problem…it was just a whole month of confusion and feeling lost on top of dealing with yourself, your baby and post partum recovery.

Some may say it could be due to the downsides of confinement aka the inability to bathe, go out, and eat anything you like. But it honestly isn’t the worse part. Upon reflection, it’s really about the fact that you don’t know a thing. You don’t know why the baby is crying. You don’t know whether your milk supply is coming. You don’t know if your baby is drinking enough. You don’t know why your baby only sleeps for 15 mins and cries again. You don’t know if contact carrying your baby will introduce bad habits. And in those moments where the baby is crying, you need to take the milk bottle to fill, or the baby puked and you have to clean the baby, yourself and the floor. I had no one. I was alone in the room. Having a big house didn’t help cause I couldn’t just call out for help. In the urgency, I just settled everything myself than to struggle to go down with a crying baby and puke everywhere. I had to gather and use all of my body parts (literally me training skills I never knew) to take things I needed WHILE carrying a crying baby. That was how alone I felt.

And everyday, i looked to the clock and waited for 6pm to come so that could mean H would be “free” to help me. But he didn’t cause he would still be settling his own “admin” and granted that was his “free time” after work. But I cried on the inside “what about mine?”. In that whatever spare 5 mins I had, I spent it on washing her bottles, packing her clothes, and of course pumping. So even my “free” time was used to do HER admin.

That was probably the second part. The fact that I too, lost my own time, identity and everything. I felt like I was no longer important, the baby took everything away from me. And the worse thing then was that she was unable to reciprocate then. All she did was cry. I wanted so much to just leave and ignore her. That was how the first month made me repulse her more than I already did. But I couldn’t because I was her mother. And that’s how it was just a terrible whirlwind that kept getting worse as the month past. It didn’t help that it was my birthday month and that it really passed without any celebrations and wishes, especially those closest to me. (Thank you to those who reached out and tried to make my day)

The day before my birthday, my parents came over. But it wasnt to see me, it was just to see the baby. I felt so terribly upset that the whole time that both the families sat there at dinner happily eating good food, while I just sat and stared. I wasn’t upset that I didn’t get to eat “good food”. I was upset because I seem invisible. I brushed it off and told H it’s ok. But it hurts so much then. I cried myself to sleep that night, woke up a few hours to breastfeed her in the middle of the night and that’s how it passed.

And in my case, the fact that I was the “main” figure, it felt like everyone turned to me as a source of instruction. Now it is a good thing cause it means i can control her schedule (which helps a lot for sleep training) but back then, im just as clueless as everyone. Just cause i’m the mum it’s not expected that I know what to do and I think that just added on to the stress I had. It’s even more triggering when I get questioned about what I’m doing without anyone offering an alternative. Questions like “is the baby drinking enough?” “Is this the right way to feed the baby?” Etc just made me feel even more upset cause I was already trying and the answer is “I don’t know”. It just made me feel even more inadequate as a mother than I already felt at that point of time.

So now, if anyone asks, I always advise getting a confinement nanny, esp IF your parents aren’t experienced in baby caring. It isn’t about learning, because yes everyone will learn eventually, but during those moments I had no “guide” and there wasn’t a sense of assurance that “yes mummy you are doing fine”. I was constantly feeling like im not fine! And no one was there to offer that kind of “support”. I realised I felt jealous of people whose parents were “experienced” and just somehow knew how to care for babies, esp at the newborn phase. Essentially, with experience, it’s as simple as being able to tell you if it’s normal if your baby only drinks 30ml. There is really a lot of things you can’t get off google.

The reason why me and H didn’t get a confinement nanny are many. But if it’s just about money, I really think it’s worth paying that for the ease of your mind and heart.

Having said that, I was very thankful for H mum’s help to settle confinement/ look out for my recovery because I was so bogged down myself with handling the baby full time that I really didn’t have the time and energy to care for myself, but she did. And that was pretty much her role for the first month. So yes, im thankful and she did a great job. Now things have definitely gotten better because with confinement down, me and H mum split our roles to help look after the baby throughout the day, and this gives me time to at least breathe/ do my own things for a while.

Throughout the first month, it also didn’t help that H was not there most of the day as he continued to work, not even taking paternity leave. I already braced myself for that but it still didn’t feel good, especially when I faced the baby 24/7 and was super super drained. Although I know H tried his best, he did take on all the midnight feeds, but the mum’s mental load is real. Sometimes even when I let him take over for 1 hr, it’s never true rest cause I still have to go over and help him. So I end up never really resting.

When I was telling V all these, I admitted that I havent told H how i felt and in a way I havent “scolded” him for the ways he acted. Not because I’m giving, but because I have been thinking how to do it, without hurting his feelings. I know he tried and it’s not like he doesn’t care about me, but it’s true that I still feel unsupported during the initial phase and that I did bear a grudge against him for working so much and not being around much. It was very unlike me to feel this way towards him so I also wanted to make sure that it wasn’t something hormonal.

If you ask me now, do I feel the same towards him? No. Im in a much better state now and i no longer bear the grudges I felt then. But was it because H changed? No. It is simply because the baby needs have reduced and I am simply able to cope without him now (courtesy of both parents help too). So without that, I no longer feel upset, EVEN if he really isn’t there to help me. But essentially, I’ve concluded that H did support me as a “husband”, but he was unable to support me as a “father”, and that was why even though he tried, he could only fulfil the “husband” side of things like buying supper for me to eat…trying to sayang me…etc but the fact that he was simply unable to take over my role as a “mother” or relieve me for those few moments made me feel drained still. Like i didn’t need you to buy me supper, i needed you to help me look after the baby while i rest entirely. But that didn’t/ couldn’t happen. So yes that was how I feel and it’s only after rationalising my experience that I’m able to articulate this out. Im not writing this to “flame” my own husband for his inabilities to support me during those times because I genuinely felt like he tried and I give him credit for that, except that those tries did not help. So I myself wanted to figure out why I still felt unsupported and it even made me feel guilty to say that to him!

I’m not discounting the help I got, but I have spent the last 4 months trying to figure out what caused me to feel the way i felt during the first months of motherhood. I just wanted to make sure that before I had my next kid, I knew what happened and how I can prevent myself from feeling like this a second time.

Now if you ask me will I be able to go through confinement a second time? I’ll probably say yes without a blink especially because now I’m more equipped as a mother. It’s true, being a first time mum is really tough, the hope is, it does get better. 3 months later, here I am, in love with my baby, who is now my world.

Motherhood – the first moments

Wow…where do I start? When people say parenthood will change your lives, I really didn’t expect it to change this much, and this way. As much as you try to read and prepare yourself, it’s just not enough and wildly different in reality. I thought with the amount i read and prepared, I would at least be ok, but i wasn’t. I thought that given my experience of being a pre-school assistant teacher, I should be ok, but I wasn’t.

I’ll leave the delivery process to another post, it’s probably one on its own and I’ll jump to how things were like in the first month.

Before giving birth, I was quite sure I wouldn’t get post partum depression, for I’ve always had a strong mind. I was also sure I would love the journey because it’s been my life dream to have kids! And I was finally having one. but somehow, i still fell a little into the postpartum blues, and i actually hated the first month of motherhood.

Let’s start with the very first moment when baby J was born….

When she first came out and I took my first look at her…I saw how much she looked like me, and somehow i felt repulsed. I felt repulsed because I always wanted my kids to look like H (because i think he has better genes/ facial features) and I actually felt upset that she looked like me. Like it was my own insecurities…I always looked at myself in disgust and feel like “I’m ugly”. Maybe I never opened up about this much but H knows how low confidence I actually am about my looks. And that’s how pregnancy took an even bigger toll on me in that aspect. So when I saw that she looked like me, I felt a tinge of sadness. And that’s how I would describe my first moment. It wasn’t “magical” like all the social media posts description. It wasn’t one where it was full of “love”.

In fact, I looked at her and wondered “is she really my daughter?” Yes she looks like me so she is.” “But how did this stranger just appeared out of nowhere.” “I literally grew a cell to a human”.

I felt like she was a stranger still though as much as all things point to her being “related” to me. By blood and by looks of course. I felt no “connection”, it was one created because i KNOW for a fact she is my daughter, bc she came out of me. And i felt like, maybe something was wrong with me.

“Why do all the other mothers describe their delivery and first moments with their kids as such a loving one?” But it wasn’t like this for me.

I actually feared sharing how I felt cause I didn’t want people to think I’m some heartless person who didn’t “love” my daughter, this is esp in stark contrast to what social media puts out there. I didn’t even tell my own husband, because for him, it was probably “love and joy”, and all the positive emotions which already started since my pregnancy. He was already sprouting kisses to her, even faster than how we had our first kiss. I watched him and thought “I guess this is how parental love is supposed to be”. It seems so natural for him, but it just wasn’t for me.

And in the first month of motherhood, that love didn’t develop much. In fact, I was so burnt out, it could have even dropped….(I’ll continue what happened in the first month in another post) Shall stop here today…but in summary, my first moments of motherhood was nothing near to magical and happiness.

I first shared it with Y, and I really wondered if it was something wrong with me. A few days back, she shared this post with me and I guess maybe I wasn’t the only one, so I plucked up the courage to write about it as well. Just for a personal diary, and for maybe if anyone else comes across this post – to know you’re not the only one.

https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/i-didnt-love-my-daughter-straight-away/

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t hate my daughter. I still felt a strong instinct to care for her and make sure she was well-fed/ not crying. But it felt like one that stemmed from responsibility, not love. At least not yet.

Packing of the hospital bag (EARLY!)

So something I can’t stress enough is to pack your hospital bag early. It dawned on me how important it was because me and H actually had a false alarm labour and that was our first time having to rush etc and at that point, it was SO lucky that we had already packed our bags and could just quickly rushed out of the home. For others, labour could also start unexpectedly earlier and in that moment, having a packed bag would reduce the panic then.

Also luckily through our false alarm labour, I was given the chance to also assess under such circumstances, what are the priority things I need to take and bring that were outside of the packed bag. What do I mean by that?

So other than the already packed bag, there will always be last minute things to take, like…contact lenses, phone charger, pillows etc.

So for me, I was rushing to collect these random items in that rushed state and one of the items i took was my iPad. Well, i thought it could be used for entertainment if i needed to, but honestly after the hospital experience, i think it’s actually not important as you won’t really have the time…unless you are going through an induced labour (where there is a lot of waiting time), rather than a natural labour where you already have rather painful contractions/ water bag burst.

So on to the packed bag…just like travels, my aim is always to only bring the necessities and not overpack. So here’s some of the things I’ve packed and tips:

– going home clothes for baby! (I brought 1 NB set and 1 set that is slightly bigger for 1-3 months baby. This is because I’m not sure how big Baby J will be and she could be possibly a “big” baby based on her estimated weight).

– my own going home clothes (just 1 set as we’ll just be wearing the hospital gown for the days there so there is no need to pack extra clothes)

– 2 nursing bras so that it will be easier to breastfeed

– a set of pyjamas (In case i need one set of clothes in the hospital, although i highly doubt we’ll need that)

– bedroom slippers to walk around the room, instead of having to wear my shoes

– my breast pumps (i heard that it’s recommended to bring it so that the lactation consultant can teach you how to use it)

– binder (recommended by other mummies to wear after delivery to shift back our organs)

– hospital letters/bills (necessary for claims)

– some supplements/ chicken essence (for the sleepless nights upcoming haha)

– 2 sets of undergarments

– 2 pairs of socks/ compression socks (if you have)

– Personal toiletries

There isn’t a need to pack things like maternity pads & diapers because hospital will be providing them (P.S. We’ve chosen Mount Alvernia.)

And with that, tada, we’re ready. Baby J are you going to come out yet?!?!?!

Baby Announcement

So, I’ve taken a long hiatus from blogging because….I’ve been baking a little Baby J the past 9 months and boy, it was a whirlwind and that’s probably an understatement.

So starting right from the beginning of this journey….How did we first find out?

We’ve been trying officially for a few months then already but I really didn’t have much high hopes because the “fortune-teller” said we would have some difficulties trying for a kid. That was also the reason why we decided to start trying a little earlier than planned.

Then, it seemed like a bad decision, but now I guess no regrets, as long as we were successful would have been the most important thing.

So, I guess i was conscientiously monitoring my period already and when it was late for a few days, I started to suspect so and bought pregnancy test kits. However….In the first few days, the test came back negative… and so H didnt think it would have been true. He kept saying my period was just late.

Sure, my period has been late before, but at the 5 days late mark, i knew something was quite off as my period hasn’t been THIS late before. It’s been rather regular all the time (and i finally understand how important this is esp when TTC).

So, finally on our third pregnancy kit test, I saw a v faint line and I was soooooo sure that it was positive. I left it on the sink in the morning for H to see before he left for work, but funnily he saw it as negative. Well, i don’t blame him. This was how it looked like.

3rd pregnancy kit test results – I was positive it was positive.

While H continue being in denial that it was positive (he didn’t want to get disappointed), I started my research on a gynae + pregnancy. It was such a daunting task because pregnancy, motherhood and the whole journey was something entirely unknown and there was just SO much to learn; it was an overload of info and i was really very stressed out. I wanted to ensure i kept the baby safe but there was just so much I didn’t know.

So somehow, not knowing where to find a good gynae, I started off by checking which gynae on my company’s insurance was the closest to our house. And i shortlisted 2 of them, one in CCK one in Bukit Batok. Both were under Thomson Women Clinics franchises. Upon researching about the gynaes there, I found that the one at CCK had very mixed reviews but was listed as one of the top gynaes in Singapore on an article. He was also said to be rather affordable for a private gynae.

The other gynae has much lesser credentials, but rather good reviews.

So calling in to both clinics, i enquired more about their consultations and prices and found the CCK one to be more attractive as they allowed me to sign a package as of the discovery of the pregnancy, but I had to pay per consultation for the Bukit Batok one, until 12 weeks. So somehow i was just more inclined to go see the CCK one. PLUS the cck one allowed me to do walk-in consultations, which i think is most important if any emergencies crop up.

Booking an appointment to see the gynae…i got my confirmation that indeed i was pregnant! Texted H and he finally believed me and got excited. And that’s how the journey finally began!

I was so desperate to keep the baby safe I went all out to get so many supplements (but please don’t follow my example) I ended up not being able to finish them as my gynae gave me as well and they were sufficient.

But the excitement soon died down as the journey became a tough one as more 1st trimester symptoms came up, and i was just so nauseous and bed-ridden for most of the 1st tri. It was just really really tough. I was even unable to drink water for nearly 2 whole months! It was just so so tough.

The only food i could eat during 1st tri.

But I’m glad 2nd tri took for a better turn and it was indeed what people called the “Honeymoon phase”, also took the time to start preparing for Baby J and it was the best part. We actually prepared everything even before 3rd tri, and so 3rd tri was just quite much a waiting game, until even today, where i’m finally on HL at 38 weeks going on to 39, just chilling at home, DESPERATELY hoping for her to come out. Not too sure if anyone is interested in the breakdown details of each tri’s symptoms, but in any case, I’m going to hopefully resume back blogging, but more on the baby stuff, so stay tuned 😉

Updated Skincare

It’s been sooo long since I even blogged here, so I also haven’t been updating much on my skincare routine.

Amidst my wedding prep, I did venture to try some new skincare as well. In a bid to get the BEST skin for the wedding right? Haha

So, I finally tried products by I’m from. It’s a highly raved brand, but it’s also quite pricey so I’ve never been willing to spend on products from that brand. But because it’s the wedding, I indulged.

1.Mugwort Cream (I’m from)

The Mugwort essence was what I’ve been eyeing for the longest time. As for the mugwort cream, I’ve heard both good and bad reviews so really it was a risk to buy the cream, but it was on offer…..so hahaha aunty me decided to just get the cream instead of the essence. But well, I must say the cream works fine for me. AKA it doesn’t break me out like how it breaks others out. I think for the really oily/acne prone skin, this cream doesn’t work. It’s not exactly the oiliest, but I can see why others complained that it’s too thick. It’s probably just right for me, cause it’s gel enough for me.

2. Rice Toner (I’m from)

This was highly recommended by my make up artist, and is also the reason why I decided to buy all the other I’m from products, because I was really just wanting to buy this, but there was a sale for the bundle so I got them all together. So she said that this was the one toner that really brightened her skin, and really cleared the dark patches. But she says that’s probably cause she used it luxuriously, like she literally soaks 8 squares of the cotton pad with this and put on her face. but, of course, stingy me isn’t going to do that. I used it sparingly, so… tbh I haven’t witnessed much effects. It’s probably similar to vit c?

3. Ginseng Serum (I’m from)

Haven’t tried it so no review yet. but yes I got these 3 products from I’m from together.

Now, on to the other products….other new products which I tried out…

4. Sebo Vegetal Zero Blemish Moisturising Gel Cream (Yves Rocher)

Wow, I bought this from my ever fav brand without much expectations. I really just bought it cause it was on sale, but MY, I love it! I confirm my love for gel cream, but this is also v. interesting, cause it’s more of a balm than a gel cream, but wow I love it. I can’t really say what effects this has, but it’s more of I love the texture and I love how my skin absorbs it, and I love how it’s a cream, but not the thick feel of a cream. So if it does its job as a cream, but doesn’t feel thick like a cream. it’s great.

5. Power 10 PO effector (It’s Skin)

So this is a serum that I was trying to help reduce my pores, for the make up to sit better for the wedding. IDK if it’s working but I’ve just been applying it after I bathe. Will I buy it again? I don’t think so… it’s just something I bought in prep for the wedding hahaha, don’t need make up to sit on my face for so long on a usual basis.

Now…some other products that I’ve tried and finished the past 1 year…They’re mostly iUNIK products- iUNIK Centella Cream, iUNIK Vit C serum, iUNIK Centella serum.

And I must say that….I’m not repurchasing any of them. They aren’t bad, I just didn’t see much impact…so nope. HAHA, but they’re not ex la, so tbh maybe what they did was just to maintain my skin and so they aren’t bad products. But amidst all the other products, I don’t see a strong need to want to repurchase them when I can try other products….

I’ve also recently bought products from The Ordinary Co. FINALLY! But have yet to try them, been using all the I’m from products first…so I’ll update once I’ve tried them! 😀

And ONE LAST SHOUTOUT….

for facial wash…I’ve spoke about this brand before in my previous posts, but because it used to be a product I could only get in Japan, once I finished it, I used other brands, and I only restocked it back in 2019 when I went to Japan for my grad trip. I’ve finally started back on it cause the previous cleansers I was using had JUST finished. AND I FORGOT HOW AWESOME THIS CLEANSER IS. It’s not ex really…back when I first bought it was it only SG$4…now it’s around $6-8 I think. but it’s reallllllly still one of my favourite! and even after trying all the highly raved CORSX cleansers…I decided I’m still gonna go back to this unknown Japanese brand. HAHAHAHHA

this cleanser! it’s available in donki now, so I don’t need to go to Japan to get it…but it’s definitely cheaper in Japan than in SG donki….

Wedding Venue Review: JW Marriott South Beach, The Grand Ballroom

Wow. this is one choice I hands down don’t ever regret.

Firstly, the ladies who served me, Wan Yi & Mable, were great. They agreed to almost all of my requests. But I mean, perhaps they weren’t so calculative about the perks and stuff like this because we were already paying an EXCEPTIONAL price per pax, but yes unlike the other hotels that I heard from other BTBs, they did not cut much of our perks, despite me not being able to meet the contracted 150 pax. In the end, I only have 140 pax. Yes it was close… but still they could have been difficult and not agree. I also asked for some extra stuff which they agreed.

On top of that, their service was really great because I stressed that I wanted things to be served correctly, including things like who was eating vegetarian… kids meal….baby chairs etc. All the things to be provided HAD to be correct, and they delivered. That was really really impressive.

Leading up to the banquet, I had many requests for other things to be right- things like AVs, how the videos should be played, lightings for each march-ins etc. And they also checked in with me very very carefully. And I truly appreciate that cause I’m so particular about such things. I also had 2 AV checks and it was one of the best decisions, cause we could go through all the things carefully, and knew all the cues well. Before this, I was like like “ah, why do we even need a rehearsal? not just follow script meh?” But indeed, it was the best decision. Please have a rehearsal.

On to the actual day…the banquet manager was honestly very professional when handling us. Although, I heard from the other guests that they weren’t very nice to their staff and would scold them. Not that I can insist that they don’t scold their staff, but more like wow, how did he even code switch, because I would never think he would have been fierce, since he treated us soooooo sweetly. He just kept checking in with us to make sure everything was fine, and was really on the ball for everything that night.

As for decor, the only disappointment were the flowers. I know nobody cares or saw, but I requested for BLUE, PURPLE and PINK baby breaths. The flowers they gave had NO BLUE flowers….. and also, it had some weird flowers mixed in, which I wasn’t too happy about… cause I ONLY wanted baby’s breaths. But aiya, nothing worth fighting about since it’s over. The rest of the decor was PERFECT because the wedding tribe really delivered according to my instructions. SO MUCH APPRECIATION FOR THEM.

As for the food, it was also no regrets. The only regret was not eating on the day itself. HAHA that’s throwing away my whole dinner. Cause I was so busy running around I actually didn’t eat. H did help me to finish up my food though. So maybe it didn’t all go to waste. And so far, most said positive things about the food. (but I mean not nice also people won’t dare tell me) But the best thing yet about their menu, and also why we chose them, was that it wasn’t your usual Chinese menu, WHICH I like! cause then it’s a little more memorable than the other menus!

So yea, a 10/10 for food, service and decor. what’s there to complain?

Sure the price is on the high side, but I think it’s worth for the experience cause it’s entirely irreplaceable. No other venue would have given us the exact same experience. All other hotels would just be “a normal ballroom” to me. so thank goodness, H listened to my heart before I even did. Also, if your guests are true friends/ family, they won’t give you that little either la, so honestly, we didn’t lose much and that to me was worth it in the larger picture. THE BEST DECISION MADE OF THE ENTIRE WEDDING.

Selecting THE wedding dress

The wedding’s finally over and my, I think the hiatus I’ve been on….just shows how busy I was with the wedding.

But it’s finally time to do some reviews, although I’m not sure how much motivation will I have to do them. But let’s start from the main thing I’ve been blogging about- the wedding dress.

So I’ve finally selected THE gown, on my 3rd time at the studio. Again, I must commend the studio for giving me the luxury of going down multiple times to try on as many gowns as I can.

Before this, I was really against lace. Actually, I still am, but I’m ok with French lace/ beads. So that’s exactly what THE gown was. I wanted a gown for my first march-in to be “WOW” and I think that was the one and only gown in the whole shop that gave me that feeling. It was off shoulders as well to my delight. The only issue was that, when I first tried it, the V plunge was soooooo huge that nobody approved of it. So I got them to sew it closer and wala, it worked! it was approved by the parents 🙂 So this was the one gown I refused to let go. I was so sure I wanted it.

ALL WAS SURE, but H wasn’t supportive of this dress. he just didn’t think it looks flattering on me. And even until final fitting day, he was just agreeing because I said I want it. not because he really liked it. But I must say, it was still a choice I don’t regret cause it definitely is fitting for the grandness of JW Marriott SB’s Ballroom.

1st march-in chosen gown

Now, for the 2nd white gown, I couldn’t find something I really liked. Like they were all “ok” but not like the same sureness I had for the other dress. But it was H who made the decision, because he somehow just liked this dress. I had nothing to complain about it, other than the fact that it was not as glittery as I would like it to. But I think the dress is made in such a way that it isn’t supposed to be glittery… cause the tulle is supposed to be the main “star”.

2nd white gown chosen for church

So this was actually the other dress I was considering.

This was also the dress that my parents selected. They preferred this over the other one, but H was adamant about the other one. So that’s how we picked the final dresses….I guess sometimes after all that long processes and all the pickiness of what I want and don’t want. The dress you pick just ends up really something in that moment, and just what you /your fiancé likes huh?

So, an overall review of The Gown Warehouse: 10/10 for service. The only thing I was disappointed by, was that the alteration wasn’t done that ideally. felt haphazard. but yea…I guess it’s the case everywhere. It was after all a rent and not customised…

How my taste for wedding gowns evolved

It’s been a while. Also, it’s less than 2 months to the wedding!

Updates are we’re nearly done with everything. We’re just dedicating this month to settling guest list, food tasting and rehearsals, which might spill over to the next month, depending on the COVID-19 restrictions.

And wow we’ve come a long way from the very first step of the preparation- choosing the dress. And in the year long preparation, I’ve been to the chosen bridal studio a total of 3 times thus far. Each trip got more and more fruitful.

And most importantly, my tastes evolved over time.

In my very first trips to bridal studios, I was bent on 1) no lace 2) ball gowns 3) glitter 4) simple 5) no v-neck.

Well, I did find some “ok” designs from the chosen bridal but most felt like it was too simple. (of course) they were really PLAIN glitter gowns.

And also, I felt like I wanted to find more white gowns, cause I didn’t intend to get an evening one. So I went back, and this time I tried more elaborate designs. But I still stuck to my criteria of it must be glittery! So these were my criteria on the second trip 1) glitter 2) no v-neck.

So I was literally walking down the whole store picking out glittery dresses. I even tried lacier stuff. And previously I was only bent on ball gowns, but after trying other cuts like mermaid, trumpet etc, I took a liking for them so I was also open to a lot more cuttings. I still however avoided v-necks.

And from that trip, I managed to find ONE ideal dress. It was literally “THE ONE” for me. Well, it’s like a big feat already, considering how difficult my criteria was!

So I went back a third time, hoping to find the next ideal dress. But this time, I went back to wanting only ball gowns and something more elaborate. WAY more elaborate. But this time, I added the criteria of wanting a tulle bottom, you know those flowy style? really really love that look. It’s the ethereal look, but much of that look unfortunately had a lot of lace too… so hmm… it was tough finding one that had the ethereal look but had no/ little lace.

So on my third trip, you can say that my criteria went back to 1) ball gown, 2) no lace 3) tulle bottom 4) glittery. This time I also tried a few v cuts, but at the end of it, we still preferred sweetheart cutting. And H didn’t like my neckline being covered so I only could choose sweetheart, sleeveless or off shoulders. But I must say I found THE ONES on this trip. And the next time I’m going down, it’ll be for my fitting already! meaning I would have to confirm my dresses. I’m still having a hard time deciding which two, but about 80% confirmed already la… HAHA

haha so I think, I just want to advise brides out there that the more dresses you try, you might just be able to slowly figure out what you like, plus you might actually change your preferences!

Wedding Budget (COVID-19 version)

So pre-covid me wanted to keep my wedding to a 30k budget. Yes I know this sounds crazy. But I thought losing 50k would be crazy…. and yes post-covid me is definitely losing 50k and up for this wedding.

Few factors that changed. One is of course the venue choice. We now are holding our banquet at one of the most expensive hotels in SG so of course, our costs will go up. It’s a choice that I don’t regret till today though. Simply because we learnt our lessons from booking Ifly the last time. That was an expensive lesson cause we lost part of our deposit as a result. But with the covid-19 rules changing so quickly, we had to make sure we chose a venue that had good service and efficiency to react to all these new rules. And I think only hotels will be able to react to that level. so yes we had to forfeit Ifly, although looking at the pictures of it now still makes me feel like Ifly was really beautiful too!

Also, we needed a venue large enough to be able to adjust according to the safe distancing rules and still have MAXIMUM capacity, cause we would ideally like to at least host 150 pax. So yea…. clearly, a hotel venue would best suit our current covid-19 needs. South Beach’s really just cause I love its ballroom and H indulged. So yes, we’ve to bear the high costs of it. And with things like PET now in place, we also have to set aside a good amount of budget for it. Also, hotels have also shifted their prices up due to the low pax so as to earn more, so also be prepared that the price per pax is now higher.

Weighing the per pax price btwn South beach and other lower hotels, the diff’s probably now about $40 diff, so…. me and H just felt like it’s worth paying more if I really like the place. But of course, if you take $40 diff x the number of pax coming it’s a huge sum diff, not just $40. HAHAHA, but oh well. all because of me and my love for the ballroom.

So on the topic of PET, based on how things were like the past few weekends. PET is an average cost of $30 per pax, with a minimum number of 30 pax to be tested if you want a set-up on site. Some vendors are also charging around $100 more for on-site set-up. So you probably need a minimum of $1k for PET. And currently, even those vaccinated are being tested as long as you have a potential exposure to a COVID-19 case (on your tracetogether app) So yea, it’s really another sum that we have to take into consideration.

Yesterday, we also completed another “wedding errand”- buying our new bed. It was a whopping cost of $4000. Well, cheaper than a single Tempur mattress (which we considered getting) so…. I guess it’s reasonable already. and with that payment done, we’ve paid out almost everything down for the wedding (except for about 10k more for the banquet).

So looking through the budget, I realised how much more we’ve exceeded our original budget. (COUGH definitely not 30k) And also individually, I’ve been wanting to spend about 3k EACH (total 6k) on misc. stuff. Currently, I’ve already paid around 4k+ of misc stuff. So I guess we might actually need to expand 10k for misc stuff. My misc stuff includes all the items we need to buy like for the Chinese ceremony, DIY decor, bridesmaid/groomsmen attire, etc. Not including things like the Banquet and Ang Baos.

Other things that I’ve also spent more than expected on- PRE WEDDING TREATMENTS. HAHAHAHA WHAT EVEN RIGHT??!!?!? So I booked things like eyelash, eye brows appointments etc and LOL these are clearly things a usual me would never spend on, but I’m spending a good $500 on all these items for the wedding! For the first time, I’ll be going to do my NAILS at a salon in sg! and FOR THE FIRST TIME, I’ll be doing my eyelash, AND tattooing my eyebrows. crazy man, I guess this will be the start of all these beauty luxuries. HAHA

And regarding Chinese ceremony stuff, I calculated that we’ve spent about $1000 for all the items (including new bed sheets) So yes, be prepared that these small items add up.

Decor & Flowers for me also added up to about $1500 for both church and banquet. That’s actually quite little already, considering how I DIY-ed most of the stuff. if you hire a vendor I think…you might save time and effort, but it might cost you 3k and up? So yea, I did save a little there already.

For my photography/videography package, I’ve spent slightly above 4k. I think that’s pretty reasonable, or rather cheap. I’ve quite sure some photographer/videographer would charge around 2-3k EACH already, And this amount is bearing in mind, the fact that I have two days. So yea. But this I think is something I don’t advise people to scrimp on. Photos AND Videos mean so much to me. I even requested all raw videos to be returned. It’s a huge thing for me (considering I’m in the media scene right) But yes, please be prepared to spend at least 5k on this aspect.

Hope I’ve covered roughly the different categories and budget you might need to set aside. Feel free to ask me more! and….stay safe in this climate….